Mindfulness and Perfection:
Jumping the Achievement Track
by Maya Talisman Frost
As a mother of four young women (ages 16, 17, 19 and 20), I am pretty clued in to the whole be-perfect trend so prevalent in high schools in the United States.
In fact, it's one of the biggest reasons we jumped the achievement track and headed to Latin America.So, I wasn't surprised to read an article in The New York Times that described the pressure facing
upper middle class high school girls as they prepare for college. But I WAS reminded of the
craziness of a system that asks our children to do more, more, more of the same old thing instead of inviting them to become a completely different kind of college applicant.
It used to be impressive to take one or two Advanced Placement courses in high school--tougher options with the possibility of getting college credit later. Now, the norm is to take three or four
or even more each semester.
This shows a complete lack of creativity and logic--not to mention strategy, for which we in the competitive US of A are known. It's a perfect example of blind adherence to a particular idea--
that more is better.
I don't get it. Didn't you have a mother who asked you, "If everybody else jumped off a cliff, would YOU do it, too?" whenever you wanted to do something ridiculous because "all the kids" your age were doing it? I certainly did. And though my mother was definitely not one to step off any track or expand her options, she didn't have a problem pointing out that doing what everyone else is doing isn't always the smartest option.
Here's the thing: your child could stagger under the load of four AP classes and still not do well
enough on the final test to get those credits. Instead, she could simply take a college class---online,
even (don't laugh--these are tougher than you might think)--and be sure to get the credit and also stand out among college applicants who have never taken a real university course.
Are sports likely to get your child a scholarship? Though that seems to be the plan among many parents, the odds are dismal. In fact, you'd be better off saving that sports camp money and sending your child on an exchange program or some other kind of experience that will wake up those admissions folks bleary-eyed from reading through the piles of perfect GPA/star athlete
applications from around the country.
Just as adults are struggling in the work-more/do-more/have-more current, we are tossing our kids into the same river rapids.
This is destructive and unnecessary--and utterly devoid of mindfulness.
When everyone is playing the same game, you've got a choice. You can either work like a crazy person to try to climb to the top of that very big team of wannabes, or you can be a star at a completely different game that is more suited to your interests--and more supportive of your health
and well being.
As parents, it's our job to show our kids their full range of possibilities. How can we expect them to shine if we force them to play a game that doesn't suit them?
And let's not even get into the concept of the debt they might be saddled with upon graduating from that "name-brand" university, thus necessitating a cubicle job in a field they hate just to pay the bills. That's how the game goes, you know.
Think of a different game. Don't be afraid to drop the quest for perfection and jump the achievement track. Make it a point to teach your kids to be creative about their own options.
And remember this: if you're overworked, burned out, and still playing the same game against everyone else to get ahead, that is precisely what your kids are going to absorb.
Jump the track and veer in the direction that is best for YOU.
The kids are watching.© Copyright 2007, Maya Talisman Frost
Maya Talisman Frost has taught thousands of people how to pay attention. Through her company, Real-World Mindfulness Training, she offers playful, eyes-wide-open ways to get calm, clear and creative. To read her free tips and tricks for everyday awareness, visit:
*SINewswatch would like to thank Maya Talisman Frost for granting permission to reprint this article.
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